Murderer’s Rau

LOS ANGELES—So what are you telling me? That I should have faith in my Dodgers despite the half dozen conniption fits they’ve given me lately? That I should take them being two out in the loss column with Pittsburgh coming in next week as a serious thing? That I shouldn’t expect to give a reading of my will soon? Well…for you? Okay.

Game of the Days

Sutton beat these Expos in the first game, making us 14-6 against them. I’ve seen worse. The problem is we got John and Rau going the last two, both lefties, and Montreal turns most lefties into Canadian chopped liver. Good thing they got Bahnsen, because he’s no good, and even after Dawson and Parrish hit solo shots early, Dusty B. pops one in the bleachers with two aboard and we’re up 3-2. Both Lopes and Yeager are out with scratches, those damn malingerers, and Lasorda gets creative and sticks Manny Mota in left leading off, Smith in center and Baker in right. Mota gets two singles in his first three trips, only messes up one flyball into a triple, while Jerry Grote catches and gets a double and triple.

Carter gets a single, double and homer off John, and after he gets the first out in the 7th up 5-3, Sosa takes over and it’s lights out in Elysian Park. The first seven he faces go down, but with two gone in the top of the 9th, Unser pinch-hits a walk. Jose Morales pinch-hits a single. Here comes Dawson again, hotter than scorpion piss since July, and rifles a triple over Monday’s head in center to tie the game for cryin’ out loud. That bum Hough isn’t even responsible!

Anyway, against their relief ace Kerrigan, Sosa bats for himself and starts the last of the 9th with a single. Monday lines out but Russell doubles down the line, Sosa to third! Smith fouls out with the infield up, and then it gets real funny. Baker is given four wide ones to load the bases with two gone and pitch to Garvey, who gets about as many clutch hits as I got sperm cells. Garvey stands there for what seems like forever, and with only 26 bases on balls the whole season, works a walk from Kerrigan to end the game!

MTL 101 010 002 – 5 10 1
L.A. 003 200 001 – 6 10 1

W-Sosa L-Kerrigan HRS: Dawson, Parrish, Carter, Smith GWRBI-Garvey

I’m not done yet. There was another one this afternoon, and this time Dougie Rau gave up three solo shots but walked nobody and won his fifth straight because the Blue Boys were all over Steve Rogers, giving him his sixth loss in a row and seven of eight. That’s 16-6 for us over the Expos on the year, our best mark against anyone. We got the Phillies coming to town next, a half a game up on them now, followed by the Buccos. Guess you can say it’s take care of business time or fold it the hell up. —Sherman

MTL 010 100 010 – 3 5 1
L.A. 004 120 00x – 7 9 0

W-Rau L-Rogers HRS: Perez-2, Dawson, Smith, Baker, GWRBI-Russell

The Buzz Line (two days’ worth)

PIRATES 7-13-0, at CUBS 0-6-2
What should have been a great Candy Man vs. Reuschel battle is a plank-walker for the Cubs, as Big Rick never shows up to pitch. With Stargell and Robinson still out of the lineup and with Garner and Taveras going 0-for-10 at the top, Ott, Moreno and Macha combine for six hits and four RBIs and this Buc mojo is getting absurd.

REDS 9-12-0, at CARDS 4-8-1
St. Louis continues to head south, and Cincy ends up 13-9 against them for the year. Capilla with another strong start and Griffey with an insurance grand slam off Butch Metzger in the 9th.

PHILLIES 3-5-2, at ASTROS 0-3-1
The Astrodome works wonders for Jim Kaat, who spins a 3-hit shutout just when they need someone other than Carlton or Reed to throw a decent game.

at ROYALS 6-12-1, ORIOLES 1-7-0
Andy Hassler. Stopper. The man has now outpitched Ron Guidry and Jim Palmer in his last two outings, although these days Sid Monge could probably outpitch Jim Palmer. In a game that would have moved the Birds to four games from the top, Jockey Jim has absolutely nothing, and gets only one 1-2-3 inning the entire game.

YANKEES 10-15-1, at RANGERS 6-13-2
The Yanks make it a mini-sweep, storming back from a 3-0 deficit with six runs off a horrible Gaylord Perry in the 5th, a Chambliss homer later, and an actual Sparky Lyle outing where he doesn’t barf up the lead. Texas drops a game and a half out, and New York heads for Royals Stadium for their two biggest games of the year.

at WHITE SOX 8-9-1, RED SOX 2-6-1
And the beatdown goes on. Don Aase takes the punishment this time, serving up homers to Zisk, Gamble and Soderholm, before Ramon Hernandez takes over and Jim Spencer takes him out. Kravec with the CG, Boston with the steadily-leaking oil.

INDIANS 3-8-0, at TWINS 1-7-1
The K.C. win eliminates Cleveland, which is a shame, because with this victory, Garland’s sixth in a row, the Tribe’s record since the end of June is a respectable 38-28.

at CUBS 5-8-5, PIRATES 4-8-1
Manny Trillo whacks a 3-run homer in the 1st off Rooker, Bonham and Sutter hold off a typically late-charging Pirate attack, and despite five errors, Chicago wins the season series finale (14-8 Bucs) to get the other contenders drooling.

at ASTROS 8-13-0, PHILLIES 7-12-1
And the first contender is sent to bed without supper. Lonborg gets a 3-0 lead in the 1st thanks to a Luzinski Astrobomb but can get virtually nobody out in his inning and a third, and the Astros go up to stay with seven quick runs. Sambito does his best to blow the game on a McBride double, Luzinski single and McCarver double starting the 9th, but the Philly rally comes up short. They clobber Houston all year and win the season series 17-5, but this is the one game they really needed.

RED SOX 19-22-0, at WHITE SOX 2-6-3
Had a feeling Reggie Cleveland would pitch a complete game 6-hitter as soon as I said he sucks in these pages. The Boston hitting, meanwhile, returns from the dead to neuter the law firm of Kucek, Johnson, Kirkwood and Frost, scoring in every inning but the 6th and smashing three homers in the cold weather, including a grand kielbasa from Yaz.

at TWINS 12-18-0, INDIANS 4-14-0
More cheap thrills, Rodney Carew with a double, two homers and six RBIs. Cleveland still wondering how they got four less hits and eight less runs.

In case you missed it, here’s my Funky Holiday Video from yesterday, in all its frightening glory.

American League through Thursday, September 11

Kansas City 79 63 .556
Texas 77 64 .546 1.5
New York 75 65 .536 3
Boston 72 67 .518 5.5
Baltimore 73 69 .514 6
Cleveland 65 77 .458 14
Chicago 62 79 .440 16.5
Minnesota 62 81 .434 17.5

National League through Thursday, September 11

Pittsburgh 83 60 .580
Los Angeles 79 62 .560 3
Philadelphia 78 62 .557 3.5
Cincinnati 77 63 .550 4.5
St. Louis 73 68 .518 9
Houston 65 76 .461 17
Montreal 55 87 .387 27.5
Chicago 54 86 .386 27.5

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