The Rabid Dog Days of August

The fourth 100-degree day in a row blew two gaskets in the bus’ engine, so while I worked on the thing I got us a bunch of motel rooms somewhere in Jersey, wired the TVs into our Funkyland Express satellite feed and everyone got to see their teams in action at some point.

Big mistake. Right now Buzz and Friendly Fred are off smoking or popping something in the nearest alley, Mikey has remembered how to curse all over again, and even Dr. Sheila took an extra migraine pill. I really don’t know why everyone’s so scared about evaporating when there’s a better chance they’ll all kill each other or themselves first.

Seamus out.

Lunacies of the Day

CUBS 6-11-0, at PHILLIES 1-3-0
Ray Burris’ stats for the Cubs so far. 1-16 record, 8.53 ERA, 205 H in 126 IP. Chicago with a 4-15 mark against the Phillies. So Ray goes out and throws a 3-hit complete game at the Vet, beating the very good Ron Reed. Cubbies hit four triples, three of them in a row in the 7th by Gross, DeJesus and Ontiveros.

ASTROS 3-12-0, at REDS 1-8-0
Houston has given Cincy fits all year, and sweep the two-game series behind yes, another Bob Watson game-winning homer. Big Bob’s 20 winners now account for 36% of his team’s victories. Joe Niekro is the latest pitcher to keep the Reds in their baffling hitting coma.

DODGERS 2-11-0, at PIRATES 0-7-1
Tommy John with the shutout. The revamped Dodger lineup takes a while to get cracking, but score two 8th inning runs off Reuss on a Cey triple and Smith double and win a huge one.

CARDS 3-9-0, at EXPOS 2-6-1
Cash’s single gives Montreal a 2-1 lead in the 2nd, but St. Loo chips away at Rogers and wins it for Rasmussen on a 7th inning single by Brock. That’s a 16-4 mark for them over the Expos with two more to play at Busch.

K.C. 302 121 600 – 15 19 1
BOS 400 105 000 – 10 17 1

McRae and Porter go back-to-back in the 1st off Cleveland. Rice and Evans go back-to-back in the 1st of Colborn. Brett with a 2-run shot in the 3rd, Mayberry a solo blast in the 4th. Down 9-5, Boston explodes for a Fisk homer, Evans triple and five runs in the the 6th to take a 10-9 lead. A half inning later, thanks to a Carbo two-base error, the Royals score six times and leave the Sox in the gutter. The reeking Chowderheads have lost six straight and are now 7-13 in August.

MIN 000 000 030 000 001 – 4 8 1
NYY 102 000 000 000 000 – 3 10 0

And what would a day of insanity be without another barf-o-rama in the Bronx? The Yanks score three quick runs off Ron Schueler, then get shut out by him for the next 12 innings. Meanwhile Gullett blows his shutout in the 8th and Lyle throws seven amazing relief innings until the Twins win on a Borgmann sac fly in the 15th. New York strands two men on in the 4th, can’t score after a leadoff double in the 7th, can’t score with second and third and one out in the 9th, can’t score with a man on third and one out in the 10th, can’t score after a leadoff single in the 13th, and can’t score in the 14th after a leadoff double by White, who’s thrown out at the plate to end the inning on a 1-16 (80%) chance. Sorry Fred, but right now your team is dead.

at INDIANS 4-9-1, RANGERS 3-11-0 (11 innings)
So Texas takes over first, then goes to Cleveland and plays like a bunch of dipsticks. Granted they have to face Eckersley here, but they still hang 16 men out to dry on the bases while Gaylord Perry has a big Andre Thornton problem (double and homer) and the Tribe wins on a Duane Kuiper single.

at ORIOLES 9-16-0, WHITE SOX 2-9-0
Another mini-sweep, this one by the Birds in a good old normal bashing. Pat Kelly with a triple homer and single, but Wilbur Wood is unable to get anybody out. Chicago is very relieved to be heading on to New York to face the haunted Yankees.

American League through Saturday, August 23

Kansas City 71 56 .559
Texas 69 57 .548 1.5
Boston 66 57 .537 3
New York 66 58 .532 3.5
Baltimore 64 62 .508 6.5
Cleveland 57 69 .452 13.5
Minnesota 54 70 .435 15.5
Chicago 53 71 .427 16.5

National League through Saturday, August 23

Pittsburgh 73 53 .579
Philadelphia 70 53 .569 1.5
Cincinnati 67 57 .540 5
Los Angeles 66 57 .537 5.5
St. Louis 67 58 .536 5.5
Houston 56 69 .448 16.5
Montreal 51 73 .411 21
Chicago 47 77 .379 25


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4 responses to “The Rabid Dog Days of August

  1. After the season, Ray Burris will be blind-folded, placed on an ice floe, and cast adrift.

  2. So, if I figure it correctly, Burris’ ERA is currently a tidy7.92 or so. It’s still not a good thing to have an ERA with the same number as a jet liner or a interstate-highway spur.

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