Crazy Amy has Left the Building

CLEVELAND–Let’s get to the ball games first, and why everyone hates me even more. The Eck mowed down my Red Sox on Tuesday, but on Wednesday and Thursday the boys pull out their voodoo dice and resume scoring in their sleep like they’ve done all year. In between the FIVE homers they hit off Wayne Garland, they get four 8-rolls (40% chance) and two 7s (35%) to keep every rally going. The Tribe manage three taters , two off Wise and one off Soup Campbell, but it isn’t enough.

Then it’s Pick on Jim Bibby Day. To the tune of four runs in the 1st thanks to the Bib walking Carbo, Fisk and Yaz to start the game and igniting the rally. Jenkins actually pitches worse, but as usual, makes the right pitches at the right time and ups his record to an amazing 13-3.

Hate to say it, but with the erratic way the Yankees and K.C. are playing, if New York doesn’t sweep the upcoming three games from Boston before the Sox get back home, this league could be a runaway.

But I can’t let the bozos on our bus read those words, because I’d like to survive to see what really happens. Lester and Peachy have been slipping me some trash talk lately, and I even caught Little Buzz sticking out his tongue at myself.

Everyone’s on edge, even Seamus, who we count on being our sort of calm navigator. After the game in Pittsburgh Lester saw a Pennsylvania map on the dashboard, and suggested we make a detour to Shanksville to warn some farmers that a plane might be dropping out of the sky there in 24 years. Well, Seamus went nuts, saying that kind of thing was off limits and could “jeopardize everything in the future.”

Today Lester brought it up again, and it got everybody out of their seats and yelling. “Isn’t 9/11 something we should be jeopardizing?” I asked. “Hell,” yelled Friendly Fred,  “I would’ve caught that Son of Sam punk myself if there wasn’t a blackout up there!”  “And I got to watch a Dodger game with Groucho Marx,” said Sherman, “It didn’t change a thing, I mean he’s still going to die on the 19th, three days after Elvis, but I’m sure it eased his kishkas for his last few days, right?”

Seamus just grumbled, and punched in our next day’s location. “This discussion’s over. Take your seats and buckle in please.” We hesitated a long time, then headed back down the aisle.

But something was wrong. The back window was open, and I could hear footsteps running across the Municipal Stadium asphalt. I looked outside, but couldn’t see anything.

“What’s wrong?” asked Sheila. I spun around, checked all the faces gaping at me.

“Where’s Amy?”

“You mean the goofy girl?” piped up Little Buzz, “She climbed out the window.”

Seamus hopped off the bus in a panic, scanned the crowded parking lot. I leaned into the boy’s little face. “Did she say why?  Was it because her Indians lost twice?” Little Me had no clue, but Sheila’s eyes suddenly popped with an idea. She ran to her satchel, thumbed through patient folders until she found Amy Gulliver’s.

“If I remember correctly…Aha! ‘Patient Gulliver’s mother had a fatal stroke on the day Elvis Presley died in 1977. This most likely was the cause of her daughter’s unnatural obsession with Presley and his music.’ ”

Seamus jumped back on board at that moment, winded and irritated. “Well that’s just great…” He rummaged through a basket of maps behind his seat that had been dumped out. “She even took one of my maps!”

“Tennessee?” asked Sheila.

“Yeah…at least the two I had for the south. What the hell is she doing?”

Sheila bit her lip, afraid to say the obvious.  But then she said it.

“I think she went to save Elvis.”

BOS 300 120 101 – 8 13 0
CLE 010 100 202 – 6 10 2

W-Wise L-Garland SV-Campbell HRS: Evans, Lynn, Carbo, Rice-2, Thornton, Blanks, Fosse GWRBI-Evans

BOS 400 000 010 – 5 9 0
CLE 000 110 000 – 2 7 0

W-Jenkins L-Bibby HR: Lowenstein GWRBI-Evans

The Buzz Line

Other 8/6 Action:
YANKEES 6-16-0, at ORIOLES 2-6-1 (10 innings)
A great lefty duel between Guidry and Flanagan is air-tight until the 10th, when Rivers doubles, Nettles singles, Jackson homers, Johnson doubles and Piniella singles for four runs before an out is even made. It’s New York’s 60th win of the year.

TWINS 6-9-1, at ROYALS 3-8-2
Ghastly performance from Leonard, giving the Twinks four runs right out of the gate, while the usually inept Thormodsgard stifles K.C. bats the whole way. Why we play the games, etcetera.

at RANGERS 5-9-1, WHITE SOX 1-3-0
Blyleven is brilliant again, Jack Kucek isn’t, and Texas has won five out of six in August. With their great starting pitching, if they hit at all they should be in this race to stay.

at CUBS 6-9-0, DODGERS 4-12-0
Brutal loss for L.A. Down 2-0 to Reuschel the Dodgers score four times in the 4th but John is real shaky. Murcer hits a sac fly in the 5th to cut it to a 1-run game, and then after two singles in the 7th, Hough comes on and serves up a 3-run Waveland Avenue Murcer missle for what proves to be the ball game. Lopes and Russell single to open the 9th, but Sutter relieves Reuschel, whiffs Smith and Garvey and gets Baker on a tapper.

at REDS 7-11-1, EXPOS 6-13-2 (11 innings)
Total Montreal meltdown. Steve Rogers has a 6-1 lead into the last of the 8th when his world collapses. Armbrister pinch single, Morgan homer, walks to Rose and Griffey, followed by a wild pitch and passed ball. Hal Dues comes in and Cash boots one. Bench whiffs but Driessen singles off McEnaney and four runs are across, A Kerrigan error with two outs in the 9th scores the tying run, and singles by Griffey, Foster and Driessen in the 11th complete the comeback. Bench manages to get injured for five games right before Driessen’s hit, meaning Amy’s hero Bill Plummer will get the nod for the upcoming series with the Phillies. Maybe she’ll find out if she doesn’t get herself arrested by then.

at CARDS 3-9-0, ASTROS 2-8-0
Why we play the games, vol. 2. J.R. Richard against Tom Underwood means nothing. Richard even homers and singles, but the Cards bunch up their hits correctly and have won seven of their last nine.

Other 8/7 Action:
at ORIOLES 4-12-1, YANKEES 2-6-1
A good game, a crap game, a good game, a crap game. It’s the story of the Yanks and Royals these days. Figueroa has nothing, but four double plays by his infield keep him on the mound. The anemic Yankee offense against Grimsley is what kills him. A two-base Bumbry error and Randolph double score one, a solo Dent shot the other, but no one else in the lineup does a bloody thing.

DODGERS 13-19-1, at CUBS 6-9-0
That’s more like it. Believe it or else, this is actually a 4-3 Cubbie lead on Doug Rau going to the 7th. Cey puts L.A. ahead with a 2-run single off Sutter, before the Dodgers make Chicago their kind of town in the 8th, scoring eight times off Sutter, Hernandez and Paul Resuchel.

at CARDS 8-13-1, ASTROS 5-14-1
Make that eight wins out of ten. Houston takes a 3-1 lead in the top of the 3rd, only to have Lemongello jiggle away the lead in minutes. Simmons with a 3-run smash to cap a 5-run inning, and four St. Louis relievers save it for the very lucky John Denny.


BAL 7-6 11-7 5-6 7-11 11-7 6-8 7-11
BOS 6-7 12-5 9-6 8-10 12-5 7-4 9-9
CHX 7-11 5-12 10-8 5-7 5-7 9-9 7-7
CLE 6-5 6-9 8-10 7-12 8-9 6-7 8-10
K.C. 11-7 10-8 7-5 12-7 10-4 6-11 6-7
MIN 7-11 5-12 7-5 9-8 4-10 9-10 3-9
NYY 8-6 4-7 9-9 7-6 11-6 10-9 11-7
TEX 10-7 9-9 7-7 10-8 7-6 9-3 7-11


CHC 7-11 5-9 7-10 7-8 3-15 6-10 3-7
CIN 11-7 8-10 8-7 9-9 8-4 10-4 10-7
HOU 9-5 10-8 8-9 4-8 3-14 6-12 6-9
MON 10-7 7-8 9-8 5-11 3-9 6-7 4-14
L.A. 8-7 9-9 8-4 11-5 6-11 7-10 11-2
PHL 15-3 4-8 14-3 9-3 11-6 5-9 5-13
PIT 10-6 4-10 12-6 7-6 10-7 9-5 11-7
STL 7-3 7-10 9-6 14-4 2-11 13-5 7-11

American League through Thursday, August 7

Boston 63 46 .578
Kansas City 62 49 .559 2
New York 60 50 .545 3.5
Texas 60 51 .541 4
Baltimore 54 56 .491 9.5
Cleveland 49 62 .441 15
Chicago 48 61 .440 15
Minnesota 44 65 .404 19

National League through Thursday, August 7

Philadelphia 63 45 .583
Pittsburgh 63 47 .573 1
Cincinnati 64 48 .571 1
Los Angeles 60 48 .556 3
St. Louis 59 50 .541 4.5
Houston 46 65 .414 18.5
Montreal 44 64 .407 19
Chicago 38 70 .352 25


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2 responses to “Crazy Amy has Left the Building

  1. I love this stuff! I was raised in the ’70’s, and I love baseball, so this, of course, is supercool stuff to me. Just mention the Partridge Family, pop rocks, wacky packages and Led Zeppelin, and you’ve got me hooked. Guess I’ll have to hang out here more often. Bill ( )

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