My Funky Valentine

ST. LOUIS—Seamus reporting in. Decided to cave to peer pressure after all and take on a team to root for the rest of the way. Since I’ve always been a believer in lost causes I tried to pick Cleveland when I was recovering in the hospital there, but Crazy Amy took over the whole state of Ohio on me so now I’m opting for the Expos. Why the hell not? They wear classic goofy hats and have three all-star boppers and Steve Rogers and a great closer in Joe Kerrigan and the best beer in baseball at their park. And at least they’re better than Lester’s poor Cubs.

Today we get another shot at Lester’s not-as-poor Cards. Dawson clubbed Rasmussen over the head in their 9th inning dark alley yesterday, and today they’re all over Tom Underwood, one of the worst excuses for a starter in either league.  Of course it doesn’t help that he’s a lefty, a species of pitcher the Expos tend to obliterate.  A 2-run Dawson homer and two-out Valentine single in the 3rd give them three runs, and a double, single, and two walks give them another in the 4th before soiled Underwood is dropped down the laundry chute.  Righty Eastwick is hailed, but Parrish stays in there and reams him for a double anyway and a 6-0 lead.

But these damn Cardinals…With Simmons, Scott and Mumphrey all injured, they storm back against Steve Rogers anyway, mashing four doubles, the daily Garry Templeton triple, and tie the score with three runs in the 5th and three in the 8th.  Dues and Kerrigan shut them down from there, but Eastwick has been busy blanking the Montrealers since he gave up the big Parrish double.

But this is the National League, people, meaning necessary pinch-hitters, so bye bye Rawly, hello Butch Metzger. He throws a scoreless 10th and 11th, but a Dawson walk and Dave Cash single start the 12th. A DP bouncer to Templeton gets heaved past Hernandez at first to put the Expos ahead, and righty-suffocater Clay Carroll comes on to face Valentine with the bases stuffed.

Stuff this, Clay.  Ellis lines it over the wall in 3.2 seconds for a shocking grand slam, and Montreal makes it two in a row and improves to 4-13 against their No. 1 tormenters.

MON 003 300 000 005 – 11 11 2
STL  000 030 030 001 – 7 12 2

W-Kerrigan L-Metzger HRS: Dawson, Valentine

The Buzz Line

REDS 12-14-1, at DODGERS 4-11-0
That’s what I get for Foster-bashing. George triggers a five-run 1st with an RBI single, gets two more hits and ups his RBI count to 115. The Dodgers can’t handle Paul Moskau and Don Sutton can’t handle anyone, his ERA soaring to 5.57.

at ASTROS 2-3-3, PIRATES 1-4-0
Bizarro line score of the day finds the Bucs unable to hit Mark Lemongello after beating up on J.R. Richard, and a 2-run homer by Cedeno off Rooker in the 5th holds up.

(PHILLIES and CUBS are idle.)

at ROYALS 7-11-0, RED SOX 1-6-0
After at least a month of horrible Paul Splittorff outings, he meets someone worse in Reggie Cleveland, inspiring him to render the Red Sox helpless with a complete game 6-hitter. Four in the 1st and a 2-run Cowens smash in the 2nd put this one away early and move K.C. and the Yanks a game closer to first.

YANKEES 7-12-1, at TWINS 5-10-0
That crashing echo you hear is Minnesota falling into the cellar, even though Guidry pitches about as bad as Thormodsgard. The difference is a double, triple and homer from Piniella and a homer and two singles from Munson while the Twins are on their singles scavenger hunt.

ORIOLES 3-12-1, at WHITE SOX 2-5-3 (10 innings)
Flanagan eeks out a desperation win, and the Birds win in extras on a Billy Smith solo shot off the luckless Steve Stone while his fumbling mates make their usual three errors and hand another game away.

at RANGERS 6-6-2, INDIANS 2-4-1
Blyleven takes a 2-hit shutout into the 9th before a Bump Wills error, two singles and a walk almost threaten to ruin his day, but these Rangers are now four games out and with their four tough starting pitchers, a very real threat.


American League through Wednesday, July 23

Boston 55 40 .579
New York 54 42 .563 1.5
Kansas City 55 43 .561 1.5
Texas 52 45 .536 4
Baltimore 48 47 .505 7
Chicago 42 54 .438 13.5
Cleveland 40 56 .417 15.5
Minnesota 38 57 .400 17

National League through Wednesday, July 23

Philadelphia 57 39 .594
Cincinnati 56 43 .566 2.5
Los Angeles 53 41 .564 3
Pittsburgh 55 43 .561 3
St. Louis 50 44 .532 6
Houston 44 54 .449 14
Montreal 39 57 .406 18
Chicago 31 64 .326 25.5

1 Comment

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One response to “My Funky Valentine

  1. All I remember about Mark Lemongello is that he was a) a piss-poor excuse for a big-league pitcher b) his brother was a semi-famous lounge-lite singer and c) he just could not hit at all; I think he hit a loud foul once and asked for the ball.

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