Let’s Play One!

The three-game Funky All-Star Series concludes today from sunny and friendly Toronto. To report the action, here are Harry Caray and Calvin J. Butterworth—together again for the first time.

Game Three—
EXHIBITION STADIUM

HELLO everybody, THIS is Harry Caray, coming to you from not as beautiful but very Canadian Exhibition Stadium, which is actually a converted football field for the Argonauts team, but WHO CARES? It’s the All-Star Series finale! Joining me in the booth is Cal Butterworth from the 1924 Detroit Free-Enterprise, as intelligent and polite a man as you’ll ever meet in the game. Now Cal, you’ve never worked a game in this decade before, so maybe you could tell the folks out there what that’s like. I see you have your can of Fresca already.

Yes, you are most observant. And it is a rather refreshing tonic on such a humid afternoon. If I can only master this electronic typewriting machine…

And the American League takes the field! Ron Guidry of the Yankees, Louisiana Lightning as he’s called, gets the start against Lefty Steve Carlton of the Phillies. And there goes a base hit right away by Stennett! Hendrick at the plate now…and singles, too!

Good lord…

Carter strikes out though, and there’s a 6-4-3 double play off the bat of Foster. Unbelievable!

At least two of your stickmen reach base. Messers Carew, Yount and Rice retire themselves without a shred of effort in our half of the frame.

Schmidt doubles into the corner to start the 2nd! But here’s Guidry whiffing Watson and Valentine. Burroughs with a doinky little single, but Schmidt is held at third and Templeton whiffs. Two straight rallies go nowhere!

I can barely sympathize, because my gallant Americans McRae, Singleton and Cowens are now smote. Were you not the one to label this edifice a batsman’s heaven?

Yeah, yeah, no need to get fancy on me. On a hot day like this, it’s a good thing they serve Labatt’s beer up here….And there’s a drive to left by Hendrick! IT COULD BE…IT IS!! A HOME RUN off Guidry and the National League is ahead 1-0!

There is no need to caterwaul, sir. And I can match your digit with one of my own, for here is Carlton Fisk, cracking a pitch high into the makeshift bleacher neighborhood in left field, and we are knotted 1-1!

Looked to me like a lucky hit off a bad pitch, Cal.

It was a mighty blow, sir, and I will not be swayed.

Okay! We move to the 5th, still tied, and there’s a base hit to left by Stennett, and Rice bobbles it to get him to second. Here’s Hendrick, already with a single and homer, and he lines one to center for his third hit! Stennett comes home and the National League is up 2-1! That’s a good excuse to go get a couple of ice cold Labatts…

While my colleague imbibes, I should add that slippery-fingered Ellis Valentine drops two successive flies by George Brett for 2-base errors, and neither time is a run produced. Such offensive folly rarely is rewarded. And yet here is Money of Milwaukee squeezing out a free pass to begin the lower 7th. Carew singles him to second and Mr. Yount drops an expert bunt on the pretend grass-rug to move both of them on. The muscular Rice scorches a hit into left now, tying the game! Here is Carew, racing around third base like a mine cart. Valentine, eager to redeem himself in the crowd and his manager’s eyes, fires a cannonball of a throw that expunges the runner an inch away from the dish! What excitement!

They won’t let me sing here, either…Whaddid I miss?…George Hendrick to start the 8th against new pitcher Blyleven, and no one could get him out with a two by four, the way he’s going…and there’s a LONG DRIVE! DEEP TO CENTER…IT COULD BE…HOLY COW IT IS!! Another Hendrick home run and we’re up 3-2!

Speechless. I am utterly speechless.

About time, if ya ask me…Luzinski hits for Carter now and walks, and here’s little Joe Morgan to run. Foster comes up and boy is HE due!

Vuckovich is now twirling for the Americans…

Whazzat?

Peter Vuckovich of Toronto is now—

And here’s a line drive down the line by Foster, Morgan to third! And Schmidt with a single and it’s 4-2, and Parker with a pinch-hit single and it’s 5-2 and it’s gettin hard to keep up! How many Labatts was that anyway?

I dare not add them, Harold…

BURROUGHS with a sac fly and it’s 6-2, and THAT oughta do it!

Singleton and Gamble do draw two walks off Hooton in the 8th, but we fail to plate either one. And then that wild-haired beast of yours named Sutter fans two of our three 9th inning strikers to end it.

Oh, don’t be such a sad sack, Cal. The National League always wins these things, you know that.

Not in my time, sir. Walter Johnson would have dispatched with your men in short order and still caught the 5:09 train.

Bring him on, Buttercake, bring him on!

Do not tempt me, for I have that ability—

And thatshit from Toronto, everyone, thanksh for tuning in. This is Harry Caray and Cal, shining off!

NL 001 010 040 – 6 12 2
AL 001 000 100 – 2 5 1

W-Hooton L-Blyleven HRS: Hendrick-2, Fisk GWRBI-Hendrick

POST-SERIES NOTE: Congratulations and two funky CDs go to John Koch, winner of the All-Star Series Challenge. John picked the NL to win the series with a combined line score of 25-48-5. The final totals? 26-54-5. Soothsayer!

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