Sam I Am Not

Friendly Fred back at ya, enduring some hot temps here in the Bronx while my Yanks are no doubt suffering worse in the midwest.  Grandma woke up from her nap as I was all ready to watch game 2 of their big series out in K.C., and she looked like her wig was gonna melt off her head.

See, she had another nightmare about Son of Sam.  “He was coming after me, George, clear as day!”  she yelled, still thinking I was her Atlanta cousin, “Mr. Breslin put that letter of his in the paper a week ago and I don’t think I’ve slept one minute!”  I reminded her that the famous sick fool was mainly going after young couples, so not to worry, but all she did was stick the page of the Daily News in my face, all scrunched up from the 25 times she probably read it:

Hello from the gutters of N.Y.C. which are filled with dog manure, vomit, stale wine, urine and blood. Hello from the sewers of N.Y.C. which swallow up these delicacies when they are washed away by the sweeper trucks. Hello from the cracks in the sidewalks of N.Y.C. and from the ants that dwell in these cracks and feed in the dried blood of the dead that has settled into the cracks.

Well okay, the dude’s got issues, but I was all over this thing back when it happened, and I don’t—

Wait.  Hold this crap one second.  I know the mo-fo’s name is David Bergstein or Boscowitz or something like that.  I know he’s got a few more people to kill and if I had my twenty pages of scribbled notes or a friggin’ computer in this city that was smaller and faster than a washing machine I could find out exactly who them poor souls are!  In other words, I can put this Sam-ass away a month early, save some victim’s lives, become a hero and change who I am in the future!

Maybe.  The Buzz-man did say about five times that he doesn’t want us muckin’ up things here in the way-back world, because who knows what other things it’ll break?  But how can I let a chance this righteous go?

Hmm…where’s my beer and Grandma’s remote?  I can think about this between innings…

Game of the Day

KANSAS  CITY—Damn!  Why’s it so hard for the Yanks to get some of that big mo going? Even when they pull one out it’s like a bad tooth, and today’s no different. Figueroa’s got Royals on base every inning, and errors from his lousy defense don’t help.  The Bombers open with three singles and a sac fly by Reggie for a quick 2-0 lead, but a big old boot by Stanley comes before a Poquette triple in the 4th and puts K.C. up 3-2.

We get two more and the lead back in the 5th and Alston rips a solo shot off Colborn in the 8th, but Figueroa has to get bailed out of his sinking canoe the last five innings.  After he hits Poquette to start the 9th, Sparky comes on, and Roy White gets in his business by dropping a one-out fly for a 2-base error.  Lyle’s been My Man big time lately, though, and gets McRae and Wathan on miracle popups for the win.

Tomorrow we got a double dip, along with every other team but the Pirates and Dodgers, and we stand at 6-4 against the big bad Royals.  I’ve also heard some noise about Cliff Johnson comin’ up from Houston soon to add some serious right-handed sock, so I can’t wait till they’re back home and I can get out of Grandma’s place with its baked ham smells a few times.

NYY 200 020 010 – 5 9 3
K.C. 000 300 000 – 3 8 0

W-Figueroa L-Colborn SV-Lyle HR: Alston GWRBI-Reggie

Other Happenings:

at TWINS 11-16-0, RED SOX 4-11-0
Ohhhh yeah. Looey Tiant gets lit up like a Cuban cigar, to the tune of six extra base hits and nine runs in the first three innings before he’s yanked. Redfern tries to give it all back but Gene Mauch opts for a Serum-Holly-Johnson tag team to save the game.

W-Serum L-Tiant HRS: Fisk, Adams, Bostock, Wynegar GWRBI-Smalley

ORIOLES 1-6-1, at RANGERS 0-4-1
Shazzam! Rudy May mows down the Rangers like bowling pins in a real freaky game. The O’s get four walks, a double and wild pitch off Dock Ellis in the 1st inning but somehow only get one run—and it’s the one that decides the game.

W-May L-Ellis

at WHITE SOX 5-10-2, INDIANS 4-10-1
Don’t count these Windy City fools out yet. With everyone on their team hurt except the batboy, they still pull out another win in the 8th when Norris drops a two-out fly with two aboard. After a real big slump they’ve zoomed right past the Twins.

PHILLIES 9-11-1, at CARDS 5-8-2
Down 5-3 in the 8th after a Jerry Mumphrey homer, the Phils get super-lucky. Mike Tyson the non-boxer clanks a ball with two outs and three singles, a walk, wild pitch, hit batter and passed ball later, they have a 7-5 lead and the game. Garber comes out of the ravaged bullpen to get the last six Cards in a row.

W-Brusstar L-Underwood SV-Garber HRS: Boone, Mumphrey

PIRATES 1-4-0, at DODGERS 0-5-0
Kison turns in probably the biggest Buc start of the year to top Hooton and keep Pittsburgh a half game behind Philly. Even more shocking is the only run of the game: a solo shot by outfield replacement Omar Moreno.

W-Kison L-Hooton HR: Moreno GWRBI-Moreno

REDS 14-14-0, at ASTROS 2-7-1
There should be a bounty out for George Foster by now. Homer #25 is a grand slam. Off Joe Niekro. In the Astrodome. Morgan collects a homer and four walks. It’s 13-0 after three innings and Cincy ties the Cards for third.

W-Seaver L-Niekro HRS: Foster, Morgan GWRBI-Foster

EXPOS 7-9-3, at CUBS 4-10-0
Resuchel takes a 4-0 lead to the 6th, when the Cubbies turn back into brown pumpkins. A Del Unser grand slam and Carter two-run double later, another ray of fleeting hope has gone behind a cloud.

W-McEnaney L-Resuchel SV-Atkinson HR-Unser

TOMORROW: Full All-Star contest info and 30-man rosters!


American League through Saturday, June 21

Boston 38 27 .585
Kansas City 39 28 .582
Baltimore 36 29 .554 2
New York 35 30 .538 3
Texas 35 32 .522 4
Chicago 29 35 .453 8.5
Minnesota 28 38 .424 10.5
Cleveland 23 44 .343 16

National League through Saturday, June 21

Philadelphia 39 28 .582
Pittsburgh 39 29 .574 0.5
Cincinnati 37 30 .552 2
St. Louis 37 30 .552 2
Los Angeles 36 30 .545 2.5
Houston 29 38 .433 10
Montreal 27 37 .422 10.5
Chicago 22 44 .333 16.5

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