Completely Schizo-ball

Well, Sheila and I made it out to Lester’s family farm in this blink of a town called Elk Horn, Iowa, but there was no one around, certainly no one who could tell us anything more. The front door was unlocked which is typical out here I suppose, and we walked in saying hello about three or four times, but the only thing we heard was a weird clanking from out back.

An old fat guy in suspenders was repairing a tractor engine, but he was pretty hard of hearing, and every time we brought up Lester’s name he said he didn’t know who we were talking about. Of course THAT made sense because we were at Lester’s farm about ten years before Lester was even born. Top of that, his parents had already split up, his dad was off at a pig feed convention in Wichita and his mom had moved down to Oklahoma six months ago. But at least we got her address for our troubles.

Funny, but when we were walking back through the house on our way out I still felt like Lester was around. Maybe the place just had his pre-born vibe or something.

LESTER (hiding in fruit cellar):

It’s sad…when a son has to speak the words that condemn his own parents…but I couldn’t allow anyone to believe that I was following five baseball teams at once…If they find me they’ll put me away again…as I should have…years ago. He was always…confused. And in the end, he intended to tell them that I wore that White Sox hat…and carried a Cubs flag. As if I could do anything except just sit and write in my scorebook…like one of those stuffed nerds.

They’re probably up there listening for me. Well, let them.. Let them find out what a harmless baseball fan I am…I hope they ARE listening. They’ll see…they’ll see…and they’ll know…and they’ll say… “why, he couldn’t even catch a fly…”

Games of the Day

BOSTON—Steve Stone? Okay, so he’s 0-8 with an Apollo mission of an ERA, who cares? Probably just a lot of bad luck.

For his two and a third innings of work today: nine hits, four walks, two homers, ten runs. Tiant gives up 16 hits and ten runs and wins. I give up.

CHX 033 001 312 – 13 23 1
BOS 171 140 00x – 14 18 1

W-Tiant L-Stoned SV-Willoughby, HRS: Spencer, Orta, Gamble, Lynn, Evans (again!), Yaz GWRBI-Yaz

NEW YORK—Hard to believe these four teams are playing the same sport. Sssssh….

TEX 000 000 000 0 – 0 7 0
NYY 000 000 000 1 – 1 3 1

W-Gullett (CG) L-Ellis GWRBI-Piniella

Other Action:

at ORIOLES 4-12-1, ROYALS 3-6-0
The Magic Thang has abandoned K.C., because they’re not getting any good rolls all of a sudden. LaCock ties the game with a pinch 2-run single in the 8th, but a Dauer sac fly off Mingori wins it anyway.

W-D. Martinez L-Mingori HR: Mora GWRBI-Dauer

TWINS 4-9-1, at INDIANS 2-8-0
Big comeback win for Minnesota after their nightmare Boston visit. Carew chalks up two more hits, and Cleveland drops to 9-19 by the Lake.

CUBS 7-6-2, at PIRATES 6-12-0
Bizarro line score of the day. Bucs take 4-0 lead on Reuschel but Cubs get three in the 4th and four more in the 7th and hold on for dear life. Sutter whiffs Stargell and Robinson with tying run on second to end the game.

W-Reuschel L-Kison SV-Sutter HRS: Murcer, Wallis, Robinson, Oliver GWRBI-Buckner

CARDS 4-9-1, at EXPOS 3-8-0
Simmons gets back from an injury and clouts one, and Rogers gets his usual no run support.

W-Carroll L-Rogers HRS: Simmons, Reitz, Perez GWRBI-Reitz

at PHILLIES 3-11-0, ASTROS 2-10-1 (11 innings)
Yet another Houston-Philly thriller, Carlton and Niekro both going the distance and Maddox ending the tension with an extra inning tater.

at REDS 4-10-0, DODGERS 1-7-0
Bench gets his baseball-leading 20th homer, and L.A. has no dice luck whatsoever at Norman’s Motel.

W-Norman L-Rau HRS: Cey, Bench

American League through Friday, June 6

Boston 31 20 .608
Kansas City 29 23 .558 2.5
Baltimore 28 23 .549 3
Texas 28 25 .528 4
New York 26 24 .520 4.5
Minnesota 22 29 .431 9
Chicago 21 29 .420 9.5
Cleveland 20 32 .385 11.5

National League through Friday, June 6

Pittsburgh 32 23 .582
St. Louis 30 23 .566 1
Philadelphia 28 24 .538 2.5
Cincinnati 28 25 .528 3
Los Angeles 26 25 .510 4
Houston 25 29 .463 6.5
Montreal 21 30 .412 9
Chicago 21 32 .396 10

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