Ready for this? I actually thought there was a way I could keep Pam from leaving me in twenty years, or whenever the hell it’s going to be. So when we showed up on the east end of the GW Bridge this morning I sent Fred and the gang on to Yankee Stadium for the game with the Indians while I took a bus up the coast to Pam’s home town.
The problem, which I didn’t even think of till I was halfway here, was that Pam is like six years old, meaning there was no way I could look her up for a serious conversation without getting reported for suspicious perversion.
So instead I looked up her parents, who were much younger and thinner than I remember and worked side by side at Girkich Hardware on West Avenue, just like she said they did. I told them I was building a wooden doll house for “my little girl”, and steered the talk around to what it’s like to have a little girl, and then they started going on about their Pam. I guess I got too interested all of a sudden and began asking too many questions, because they wrapped up the sale on that bag of screws wicked fast and moved on to other customers.
Boarding the train back into New York, all I could think about was how idiotic my idea had been. Okay, so what if I had actually gotten lucky enough to meet Pam as a six-year-old? One little wrong sentence or pat on the head to make her miss a ride or a nap or an important TV show and who knows? I could’ve screwed up any chance of meeting her in the future. And would Timmy ever be born? I’ll tell ya, this past-traveling business creates all kinds of headaches.
Game of the Day
NEW YORK—First a Star Wars premiere and now a punk-ass trolley ride up to rich white people land? Damn! My Man Buzz sure knows how to miss the good ones. Anyways, took me at least a day to come down from that nasty junk someone put on my tongue up in Boston, but now I’m bouncin’ like a baby boy again, and the Yanks are gonna put these Indian boys in diapers.
Waits takes the floor against the Catfish, and it’s zero hour for the first four innings. until that fool called Larvell Blanks pops a 99-cent homer around the left pole, and it’s 2-0 Native Americans. Don’t know why or how but my Yanks are all asleep again at the plate, and get only two singles and a double the first eight innings. Buddy Bell hits another homer in the 8th, so we’re down 3-0 and the worst fans are already makin’ beelines for the exits.
My Man Mickey Rivers works a walk to start things, and M. M. Munson singles him over to third. We call this Hope. Reggie grounds into a force but a run scores, and then Waits falls apart like one of those jive falafel sandwiches. White raps one to the mound and he drops it for an error. Nettles singles to load the bases. Chambliss pings one into left-center, two runs score and we’re tied!
Jim Kern tries his luck with the ball, and here comes My New Man George Zeber to hit for Paul Blair. Now Zeber just had 71 at bats this year and next year for the Yanks, but with Piniella out he’s been filling in lately and spankin’ the ball like a crazy person. Kern stretches and throws and George belts it high, and deep, and the hell out of here for a 3-run winner and put THAT in your peace pipes and smoke it!
CLE 000 020 010 – 3 7 1
NYY 000 000 006 – 6 7 0
W-Hunter L-Waits HRS: Blanks, Bell, Zeber GWRBI-Zeber
More righteous play today:
ORIOLES 10-17-1, RED SOX 0-5-0
My Man Rudy May and a six-run 3rd off Rick Wise takes care of the Boosox in their sleep. Singleton coming back tomorrow should help the Baltimore hitting some.
W-May L-Wise HR: L. May GWRBI-Kelly
TWINS 16-20-1, at WHITE SOX 2-10-1
My Man Rodney Carew kicks off the Comiskey massacre with a single past Bannister, and The Streak goes to 42 games. That’s 14 away from Joe D, people. Worst pitcher in the league Steve Stone doesn’t make it out of the 2nd, and Chicago drops into last place with a big old crash. Stoned Stone: 46.2 innings, 82 hits, 47 runs, 11 homers, 0-7, 9.06.
W-Zahn L-Stone HRS: Carew, Chiles (grand slam) GWRBI-Hisle
at DODGERS 4-7-0, CARDS 3-10-0
L.A. breaks their 8-game losing streak, as Hooton puts the collar on the Cards, even though they get a double, triple and single in the 9th before Hough comes on to knuckle them under.
W-Hooton L-Urrea (first loss!) SV-Hough GWRBI-Monday
REDS 8-10-1, at PIRATES 5-11-2
Moskau outlasts Rooker in a home run derby, and the Bucs stay tied with St. Louis at the top.
W-Moskau L-Rooker SV-Sarmiento HRS: Foster, Morgan, Griffey, Oliver, Parker GWRBI-Foster
at ASTROS 2-6-0, CUBS 1-6-1
J. R. Richard shuts down the Cubs, who beat him on Opening Day, and Houston stays hot at home, where they are now 15-9.
W-Richard L-Bonham (0-8) GWRBI-Cedeno
NOTE: Light schedule today, because next up is ’77 Memorial Day, complete with the following eight– count ’em—eight doubleheaders. I’m using a 1953 schedule, you see, and back then they not only let starters pitch longer than six innings, but played two games on all three summer holidays. What a concept!
Reds at Expos
Phillies at Pirates
Cubs at Astros
Cards at Dodgers
Orioles at Red Sox
Indians at Yankees
Royals at Twins
White Sox at Rangers
American League through Thursday, May 29
National League through Thursday, May 29