Just a Little Oscars Vent for the Road

If Bud Selig secretly ran the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I would not be surprised. For like every grand spectacle dropped in MLB’s lap, both institutions have a knack for taking the choicest prime rib and turning it into Hamburger Helper.

Last night’s Oscars telecast was just the latest in their series of bloated, unwatchable travesties, this one coming in a year that featured at least four timeless films (Social Network, King’s Speech, True Grit and Toy Story 3) and a couple of madly inventive ones (Inception and Black Swan). Having darling young’uns James Franco and Anne Hathaway host the show was a nice idea that went mysteriously flat and was ultimately bulldozed by the typical octogenarian pacing. As I tweeted during the broadcast (Twitter being the only activity that saved me from disappearing to the kitchen by the second hour and overdosing on Chinese takeout), whoever made the decision to haul Kirk Douglas out to present a major acting award “should have been fired, then re-hired and fired a second time.”¬†Capped by Melissa Leo’s sickening acceptance speech, it had to be the worst Oscars sequence of all time.

Then there was the time-honored disgrace of swelling up the orchestra to boot “lesser” award winners off the stage early in their speeches. Even Aaron Sorkin, who can write screenplay circles around 97% of the scribes in Hollywood, and had memorized a gracious, concise speech ahead of time that wasn’t a second too long, was given the cane-around-the-neck treatment, while a rabid blowhard actor like Leo was left out in the yard unleashed.

What a time-sucking farce. And naturally, I’ll be watching again next year.

* * *

On to more important matters. The Bragging Rights League now has an official launch date of March 14, and I’ll be back here with the official link that morning. My funkyball77 Twitter account will morph into something else at that time, and followers will be automatically taken along for the ride. ¬†Subscribers to the blog here will need to re-up their accounts.

Happy Spring Training, folks!

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Just a Little Oscars Vent for the Road

  1. I agree on every point except for Kirk Douglas. I thought he was funny and endearing. If Kirk hosts next year’s show he will be like Johnny Carson campared with James Franco’s impression of an oil painting.

    Looking forward to the new blog. Are you still keeping funkyball?

  2. “And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to….well, whaddya know..it’s a tie!! Well, Uncle Bud would like to tell you what pictures tied and how we plan on working this out, but we hadn’t thought that far ahead, and it seems we’re out of time. See you all next year!!!”

  3. Agreed on all points. Ricky Gervais versus Franco and Hathaway could be a master’s study in polar opposite approaches. Frankly, Franco looked like a rookie league shortstop trying to take hacks at Mariano Rivera’s slider. The kid simply has no unscripted charisma. And the Kirk Douglas experience was unbelievably uncomfortable for me as a viewer, and followed by that *actress* who won the award….it WAS one of the worst Oscars sequences of all-time. Good catch, sir.

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