Monthly Archives: September 2010

Why We Play the Games

LOS ANGELES—Is there anything worse than having a drippy cold in sunny L.A.? Little Buzz came down with one while we were in St. Louis, so now everyone on the bus including me has Niagara Mucus Falls going. Sometimes I just hate myself.

What this means is we get to follow the Pirates-Dodgers battle from the crowded comfort of the Funkyland Express, Row 17, while parked in the lot of Tito’s Tacos. At least the game keeps us awake.

Game of the Day

Burt Hooton vs. Odell Jones. Damn. May as well be Bob Gibson vs. Dooley Womack. Except this is 1977, where anything can, most likely, and usually does happen. Steve the Garv tries to reverse that notion early, lofting a high fly into the Dodger bullpen with two aboard for a 3-0 1st inning lead. But it’s Hero/Goat Appreciation Day in the Ravine, as Steve-O kicks away a Bill Robinson squibbler to open the 2nd. Ed Ott picks out a Hooton ball and deposits it in the RF bleachers and it’s 3-2 in a flashbeat. Continue reading


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It Ain’t Always This Sunny in Philadelphia

By Mikey Spano

So you haven’t heard much from me lately. Kind of what happens when you fall into a ballpark fountain and drown, and the clowns who zapped you back in time in the first place do some kind of sci-fi CPR and bada bingo—you’re alive again! Don’t you hate that? Continue reading

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Happy Birthdays to Lester

To celebrate Lester’s 25th birthday (He arrived this day in 1985, but who says we can’t celebrate eight years early?) Seamus reprogrammed the bus coordinates to take us to all five of his teams’ ballparks. Don’t need to tell you we were on edge, because there was a chance he’d be emotionally pulled in five different directions and could absolutely lose it before the day was over. But Seamus had a special white jacket all ready, and Sheila was on hand with her special observation notebook. And wearing those hot glasses I like… Continue reading

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Dang That Polish Fellah!

ARLINGTON, TX—I knew he was gonna crush that ball. Top of the 1st, Carl Whateverski coming off a game-ending fly out last night that put them Yanks in first, and here’s Doyle Alexander floating in a lazy curve thinking he’s gonna keep that Boston boy’s head messed up. Sure, Doyle, tell me another one. Yazzer hit it into the right field bleachers without one sweat bead, even though it was 103 in Arlington Stadium today and old Peachy here needed two lemonades before the players even warmed up. Continue reading

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I Need a Laugh

No special reason, other than I’m swamped here at work and the L.A. weather is gloomy as crap for the 11th straight day.

It ain’t 1977 but the clip is in some weird language and Jay Johnstone is batting right-handed for some reason.  Which is funny enough by itself.

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LOS ANGELES—Me and Sheila played hooky from the Phillies-Dodgers game because we knew listening to Mikey and Sherman squawk at each other for nine innings would’ve been unbearable. Instead we hopped a real bus and got up to a part of the Sunset Strip still populated by hippie burnouts and had a late dinner at a fun little outdoor sandwich place called the Psych-o-Deli. Being on that damn Funkyland Express day and night hasn’t given us much alone time, and with the pennant races way more stressful than they were before, it’s important we get away once in a while. Continue reading

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Getting Wicked Crowded In Here

Spending over two months in a bus with the same nine people ain’t easy. I mean, I have best friends I wouldn’t want to drive three hours in a car with. On top of that we got pennant race lives at stake, everyone thinking they deserve to win, and on some days, like this one where we go nowhere because Seamus has to fix some kind of transport sensor in the engine, the whole operation starts to feel like some bean-brained sitcom… Continue reading

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Got Those Numbers Here Somewhere

Cruising into the dog days, it’s high time we checked some numbers. Before the usual leader board, here’s a few extra fun facts.

Boston starters’ ERAs: Jenkins 4.04, Lee 5.17, Cleveland 5.30, Aase 5.37, Wise 5.38, Tiant 6.34, Paxton 6.68…The five contenders in head-to-head meetings: Yankees 31-20, Red Sox 28-27, Rangers 28-28, Royals 28-31, Orioles 22-31…Cubs have made 58 more errors than the Dodgers…John Denny of St. Louis has given up just 3 homers in 100 innings of work…The five contenders in their head-to-head meetings: Reds 34-22, Dodgers 30-27, Pirates 28-27, Cards 24-31, Phillies 22-31


1.073 Carbo, BOS (in 247 AB)
1.021 Carew, MIN
0.988 Thornton, CLE
0.977 Yaz, BOS
0.959 Gamble, CHX
0.952 Brett, KC
0.928 Hargrove, TEX
0.931 Hisle, MIN
0.917 Jackson, NYY
0.915 Rice, BOS
0.915 Fisk, BOS

.404-Carew, MIN, .346-Bostock, MIN, .337-Yaz, BOS,
.336-Brett, KC, .332-Munson, NYY, .325-Hisle, MIN

25-Harrah, TEX, 23-Thornton, CLE, 22-Yaz, BOS,
22-Gamble, CHX, 22-Carbo, BOS

76-Thornton, CLE, 76-Rice, BOS, 74-Yaz, BOS, 74-Jackson, NYY,
73-McRae, KC, 73-Hisle, MIN, 70-Harrah, TEX

12-Brett, KC, 10-Piniella, NYY, 10-Murray, BAL,
9-Harrah, TEX, 9-Cowens, KC, 9-Yaz, BOS

81-Hargrove, TEX, 59-Thornton, CLE, 58-Carbo, BOS,
56-Harrah, TEX, 50-Fisk, BOS, 47-Singleton, BAL

13-3 Perry, TEX, 13-5 Leonard, KC, 13-7 Palmer, BAL,
11-5 Figueroa, NYY, 11-6 Guidry, NYY, 10-3 Jenkins, BOS,
10-5 Gullett, NYY, 10-5 Kravec, CHX

2.19 Leonard, KC, 2.80 Guidry, NYY,
2.83 Blyleven, TEX, 3.24 Palmer, BAL

16-Campbell, BOS, 10-Littell, K.C., 9-Lyle, NYY

156-Leonard, KC, 149-Perry, TEX, 143-Guidry, NY,
138-Blyleven, TEX, 128-Eckersley, CLE


1.094 Smith, L.A.
1.060 Foster, CIN
1.030 Parker, PIT
0.980 Bench, CIN
0.983 Carter, MON
0.983 McBride, PHL
0.953 Simmons, STL
0.942 Ferguson, HOU (in 213 AB)
0.940 Baker, L.A.
0.925 Robinson, PIT
0.920 Luzinski, PHL

.376-Parker, PIT, .371-Templeton, STL, .357-McBride, PHL,
.352-Simmons, STL, .338-Rose, CIN, .329-Robinson, PIT,
.320-Hernandez, STL,.313-Foster, CIN

39-Foster, CIN, 35-Bench, CIN, 27-Carter, MON, 23-Smith, L.A.,
22-Watson, HOU, 22-Luzinski, PHL

115-Foster, CIN, 97-Bench, CIN, 88-Parker, PIT, 80-Watson, HOU,
80-Robinson, PIT, 72-Garvey, L.A., 72-Cey, L.A.

13-Watson, HOU, 13-Rose, CIN, 11-Foster, CIN,
10-Hernandez, STL, 9-Luzinski, PHL

77-Morgan, CIN, 63-Smith- L.A., 57-Griffey, CIN,
55-Schmidt, PHL, 54-Driessen, CIN, 53-Lopes, L.A.

15-2 Seaver, CIN, 15-5 Candelaria, PIT, 13-5 Carlton, PHL,
13-5 John, L.A., 12-6 Richard, HOU, 10-3 Lonborg, PHL

1.88-Candelaria, PIT, 2.48-Richard, HOU, 2.64-Seaver, CIN,
2.87-Carlton, PHL, 2.97-Hooton, L.A., 3.11-Forsch, STL

13-Hough, L.A., 11-Gossage, PIT, 11-Kerrigan, MON,
10-Sambito, HOU, 10-Garber, PHL

134-Carlton, PHL, 127-Rogers, MON, 124-Richard, HOU,
124-Seaver, CIN, 103-Candelaria, PIT, 98-Hooton, L.A.

GET YOUR TEAM BREAKDOWNS RIGHT HERE! Per usual, here are PDFs of Team Hitting, Team Pitching, and Assorted Miscellany.

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My Funky Valentine

ST. LOUIS—Seamus reporting in. Decided to cave to peer pressure after all and take on a team to root for the rest of the way. Since I’ve always been a believer in lost causes I tried to pick Cleveland when I was recovering in the hospital there, but Crazy Amy took over the whole state of Ohio on me so now I’m opting for the Expos. Why the hell not? They wear classic goofy hats and have three all-star boppers and Steve Rogers and a great closer in Joe Kerrigan and the best beer in baseball at their park. And at least they’re better than Lester’s poor Cubs. Continue reading

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About Those Visigoths…

KANSAS CITY—Lester wouldn’t talk to me for three days while my Red Sox were busy spanking his Twins, but now that we have to face Dennis Leonard and his Royals, he’s getting geek-cocky all over again.

“Think you’ll still have isolated power in Royals Stadium?” he says, raising a middle finger he’s been jabbing his calculator with, “Isolate this.” Actually, he’s got nothing to brag about. Since K.C.’s hot 16-4 start, they’ve been playing a game under .500, and Leonard’s been the only guy in their rotation who hasn’t been shaky lately. Continue reading

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