Welcome to the Friendly Confinement

I’m damn lucky I got people making food for me. That way I can do all this dice-rolling and reporting and not keel over in the process. The Patriot Act Inc. guys even started giving me a special pill every morning that they said would help my virtual transporting to the different ballparks even more. After yesterday’s good time I’d be some kind of dipstick not to believe them.

Anyway it was raining cats, dogs and mice here today and I figured that if a giant rogue wave rolled in from Dusker’s Bay and swept the trailer park away, I’d probably be sitting in a ballpark far away in my mind and wouldn’t even notice. So I took out the dice, shook the hell out of them, threw, and suddenly the bottle of Sam in my free hand lost it’s neck, turned plastic, and became a frothy cup of Old Style draft…

Game of the Day

WRIGLEY FIELD, CHICAGO—It’s a very wiggly matchup of Lemongello against Bonham, and Jose Cruuuuz parks one into the Sheffield bleachers with Ferguson aboard right off the bat. But three Cub singles in the 2nd make it 2-1, and Mitterwald’s second RBI in the 4th ties the game.

And then it’s a baserunners-in-quicksand fiesta for the next seven innings. Forsch and Sambito relieve a spent Lemongello, but Bonham has plenty of stamina, is getting out of every jam and to keep the sketchy Cub bullpen at bay Herman Franks keeps him out there until the 12th, when a Metzger single and walk to Sambito bring on Bruce Sutter. But Big Cliff Johnson pinch-hits and raps a single to load the bases, and I can hear Jack Brickhouse yell something guttural in the broadcast booth above me.

Cedeno then smashes a single for two runs, Watson hits a sac fly, Cruz walks and Sutter clearly has nothing. He squirrels out of it, but not before Howe doinks a single for the fourth run of the inning. A Cabell error helps Chicago get one back but the big winning Houston rally, coming mostly against Sutter, could be one of those inspiring ones.

HOU 200 000 000 004 – 6 11 1
CHC 010 100 000 001 – 3 11 1

W-Sambito L-Bonham SV-McLaughlin
HR-Cruz GWRBI-Cedeno

PIRATES 18-20-1, at PHILLIES 6-7-2
Uh-oh. A rabies test has been ordered for Bill Robinson, and the National League’s on notice.  Bill’s three-run blast off Christenson in the 1st gets the Bucs going, and he adds a second homer later, knocks in five, and the Phils are drawn and quartered on the Vet turf like so many lamb chunks. They do manage to hit a couple homers off Rooker, and even though Gossage gets them with the bases loaded after they score four times in the 8th to make the game quasi-respectable, Pittsburgh adds a seven-run pie in the face in the 9th.

W-Rooker L-Christenson SV-Gossage
HRS: Robinson-2, Schmidt, Sizemore GWRBI-Robinson

at CARDINALS 5-14-2, DODGERS 4-6-1 (12 innings)
This might have been the Game of the Day if it weren’t so frustrating. The Cards leave everyone but the clubhouse janitor on the bases, despite Sutton going out after two innings with a minor injury, and finally win it on three straight singles in the 12th off Hough. Elias Sosa relieves Sutton and throws six fine innings of middle relief in the losing cause.

W-Carroll L-Hough
HRS: Monday, R. Smith, Simmons GWRBI-Simmons

EXPOS and REDS are IDLE.

RED SOX 6-12-2, at ORIOLES 5-12-1
Well, at least I can sleep tonight. Boston wins their first, but don’t exactly make it easy on themselves. Aase is crusing into the 8th with a 6-1 lead when the Birds go batty, rake him for three singles and a double before Soup Campbell pours in from the pen. Gracia greets him with a run-scoring single, Bumbry adds a sac fly, but the rally stops there. Non-hitting Denny Doyle contributes two doubles and scores two runs off the lefty Flanagan.

W-Aase L-Flanagan SV-Campbell
HR: none GWRBI-Yaz

at INDIANS 4-6-2, YANKEES 2-5-1
Injuries to Pruitt and Grubb force a lineup overhaul for the Tribe in this one, and stacking lefties against the lefty-challenged Gullett pays off, as Bochte and Kuiper ignite a three-run rally in the 1st that holds up for Wayne Garland. The Bombers load the bases twice against him but Chambliss raps into a DP the first time and White whiffs with two outs the second time.

W-Garland L-Gullett
HR: none GWRBI: Dade

RANGERS 8-14-0, at WHITE SOX 3-10-1
Dock Ellis has a shutout going into the 9th when his hallucinogens wear off and he gives up three Sox runs, but Texas has this one in the bag from the start. Harrah and Horton produce the first back-to-back bombs of the season off Steve Stone in a four-run 1st.

W-Ellis L-Stone
HRS: Harrah, Horton, GWRBI-Harrah

at ROYALS 3-4-0, TWINS 2-7-0
Two walks, a single and a hit McRae give KC two runs in the 1st, Kusick ties the game with a 2-run shot in the 7th, and Porter ends the second nail-chewer between these midwesterners with a fountain blast leading off the last of the 9th.

W-Splittorff L-Thormodsgard
HRS: Kusick, Porter GWRBI-Porter

DR. GROSSINGER’S REPORT:
Mr. Gip has seemingly stabilized, and spends his every waking moment seated at his little table by the window on the west side of Ward Five, his right hand making a “dice-rolling” motion while his left “keeps score” on a blank legal pad. Other patients on the ward wander over occasionally to see what he’s doing, causing Mr. Gip to bark out a “score,” but it’s apparent they have only slight interest and then walk away. If anything, Mr. Gip’s psychosis is one I have yet to encounter in my studies, and will begin to probe further into his file at the earliest convenience.

SHEILA H. GROSSINGER
Chief of Psychiatry
Squallpocket State Hospital

American League through Wednesday, April 16

Kansas City 2 0 1.000
New York 1 1 .500 1
Chicago 1 1 .500 1
Baltimore 1 1 .500 1
Cleveland 1 1 .500 1
Texas 1 1 .500 1
Boston 1 1 .500 1
Minnesota 0 2 .000 2

National League through Wednesday, April 16

Pittsburgh 2 0 1.000
Montreal 1 0 1.000 .5
Los Angeles 1 1 .500 1
Chicago 1 1 .500 1
Houston 1 1 .500 1
St. Louis 1 1 .500 1
Cincinnati 0 1 .000 1.5
Philadelphia 0 2 .000 2

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Welcome to the Friendly Confinement

  1. .500! Woo Hoo! Team trip to Ted Drews for Concretes!!!

    • I assume you meant Ted Drewes (thank you again, Lord Google). But what in hell are Concretes??

      • You’re right, it’s spelled Ted Drewes. A slight error; I was typing in a hurry.

        Wikipedia’s explanation is a lot clearer than the one I was writing:

        “The shop may be best known for a specialty called a “concrete”. A concrete is custard blended with any combination of dozens of ingredients, served in a large yellow cup with a spoon and straw. A concrete is blended so thick that it and its spoon do not fall out when the cup is turned upside-down. … Dairy Queen’s Blizzard, which is made with soft serve, is somewhat similar, but is not as thick as the Ted Drewes frozen custard concrete.”

  2. Go figure–Denny Doyle has to be by far the weakest hitter on the whole roster versus lefties, and he ends up leading the way against Flanagan.

    By the way, it was probably in ’77 when I saw UMass alum Flanagan pitch against the Red Sox at Fenway and listened with nine-year-old glee to drunk yahoos behind us the whole game screaming “Mike Flanagan–UMass!”

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